I have been asked by many friends & clients “how do I deal with guilt when having to work or be away from the kids”. I recently had a friend decline to come to our seminar as she felt so guilty being away from her children. As mothers, we are often pulled by wether we are making the right decisions for ourselves, for our children and for our family as a whole. I have been thru this quite often, second guessing and allowing guilt to engulf me. However I stopped all of that by asking myself 3 key questions:
*“why am I doing what I’m doing?”
* “What is the purpose of this?”
* “And what meets my higher value/belief”?”
You see, there is full-time, part-time, work-from-home, stay-at-home type of mothers… are any better than the other? HELL NO! Each and every mother is doing what is best for her and her child.. some need to go back to work.. whether it is for financial or for mental reasons.. Whatever the circumstances.. Can we look thru the lens of “if the mother is happy with what she is doing, then the kids may benefit from a happier mother?” I have been the stay at home mum who was not having quality time with the kids as we were together all of the time and just keeping busy.. I was bored, restless and driving myself and kids insane with being busy for the sake of it (to fill in time). After doing some personal development courses, I wrote down what values I want to pass down to my children. I examined how my own upbringing, with a stay at home mum served me? How did my au pair experience for a full time working mum who travelled often affect me? What is that I want us to achieve as a family, for me as a mum and for my own self?
I knew that I wanted to be with my children in the early years, not just for their development, but also for me knowing how fast those early years go and me not wanting to miss out on that time together. I however needed to contribute in the world outside of my home, my kids and my family.. So for ME, I have started my own business that meets MY requirements around MY needs and MY values. And I love the facts that the boys see mum work (not just dad) and that we both contribute to our lifestyle. Also I love that the boys get to spend quality time with their dad with the dynamics quite obviously being different to when I am around.
Even going out with a friend or to an event.. I ask myself the above questions.. If I spend time away from the kids, how will this affect them and impact on them in the long run. How often have I been away from them lately? Do I need the space to be a better mum? Do I need to give them more quality time?
Whatever it is that you are doing, my one advice is do it from a place of love, consciousness and awareness or mindfulness. All which meets with the above 3 questions. At the end of the day, whatever it is that you do will add value to your life and it is exactly what it is you need to do.
Lots of love xx M